As sure as the sludge at the bottom of my kava bowl and my primitive mind can comprehend

I stood at the edge of the snow peaked mountain, the entire world underneath me, the entire universe above me.  Cutting wind sliced my skin like it could reach my insides and turn me frigid from the inside out.  Tears reached the corners of my eyes, unknown from the cold, whipping wind or from the emotion inside; standing on the edge of beauty and destruction.  Where are you a voice echoed? Is this my mind or is this reality? I drew a long deep breath until my lungs hit their capacity, and when I couldn’t fill my lungs any further with the moist, crisp air, I drew another quick breath until it felt as though I would explode like an oversized inflatable.  I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined the lightness. Tears rolled down my flesh, hitting my lip until I could taste the air colliding with my tears. My fingers outstretched in all directions, my palms taught and outfacing, hanging beside my body; my entire body tense and in suspense. And then I let go.  I screamed.  I screamed until it echoed to the heavens.  I screamed until the elk in the valley’s looked to the sky.  I screamed until I saw the world vibrate.  My chest heaving up and down, and then I screamed again.  I screamed until it rippled the river, moved the snow, and shifted the clouds. Here is my impact. Let me leave my mark.

I fell to my knees and I looked up to the heavens.  The wind was now still.  The sky was now dark as ink.  I fall backwards to my back and that’s when I saw two specks floating above me which appeared to be stars.  They were so low it looked as though I could touch them.  I lifted my arm to grab them.  The stars floated higher, my stairwell to heaven ascending. I couldn’t blink.  Rid me of what does not serve me. This ripple, this portal, this stairwell, let it be the boat that carries me away. Let me float, don’t let me fall. No. Let me fly. I roll over to my belly until the snow hits my cheek. I welcome the sting of cold sensation. It is real. Let my reality by a mythical story tale. 

I crouch to my knees and bow my head in prayer, spiritual prayer.  And that’s when it happened. An eagle appeared and seemed to be suspended in the air for about a minute, staring me in the eye.  We had a conversation with our eyes as we reached to the core of our one another’s being.  Such magnificent power sent from divinity.  The bird disappeared as fast as it had come, leaving behind a single feather. 

I gathered the feather, some snow into a jar I had brought with me, and a stone from the mountain. I will be reminded of this reality.  I will be reminded of my connection to mother earth, to the animal kingdom, to the elements, and to myself. 

Thank you for this day.  And those to follow.  Stand on your mountain.  Test the edge.